Bank of Americans Getting Fucked in the Ass

When the FUCK did the banks start closing at 4 god damn o'clock?! When the hell is anyone supposed to get anything done?! What if you work or have to watch a child?! Fuck you Bank of America you corrupt, criminal, morally bankrupt, greedy, piece of shit bank! You lock my fucking card for 7-10 business days and now I can't buy food, diapers, or pay my bills! Are you gonna pay my late fees and feed my kid while I wait for to to stop screwing over the people that lend you money?! Once I get my tax return fuck it I'm out! I'll start hiding money in my mattress... 

Star-WhoReallyGivesAFuck?!

Ok how many of you really give a rats ass about this Starbucks cup bullshit? Anyone? A show of hands please...

Ok good SO LETS SHUT TGE FUCK UP ABOUT IT!!! With everything wrong with our GOD damned country we wanna raise hell and pretend that Starbucks is anti Christmas/Christian. What kind of sinful ego could propel you cross wearing cock suckers to think it's an attack on you?! Aren't you, out of all the shitty, hell bound,pious pieces of human excremental idiocy, supposed to turn the other cheek? Jesus fucking Christ, first it's an attack on YOU PERSONALLY when two people of the same sex want to get married, and now your coffee has joined the ranks of Satan?! You all better hope there isn't a God or you'll be tossed into an unbearable eternity of Jewish songs, Hindu chants, Islamic food restrictions, Indian IT jobs, and Pagan rituals for your sheer lack of common fuck sense... Oh wait CHRISTMAS IS BASED ON A PAGAN GOD DAMNED HOLIDAY YOU FUCK STICKS!!! Shut the hell up, drink your damn peppermint frappuchino, and stop looking for reasons for you to pretend to be discriminated against and offended. Don't like what I'm saying? Good comment and I'll tell you again how fucking stupid you are... Oh and before we think too much about Christmas... Happy Fucking Thanksgiving Assholes!

Fuck Your Lion Ass!

ok... Look I get it. You all want to stand for something in this fucked up world. Trust me I stand up for what I believe is right too. Frankly I think all you societal ass pimple posers need to just shut the hell up about this dumb lion Cecil. And before you get all up in arms again shut your stupid dick traps and look at the sad excuse of an existence you are lucky enough to have. Go ahead, I'll wait... Now with that done here's the real truth about YOU! You think by acting all high and mighty about this idiot shooting an overgrown house cat that you yourself somehow become better than you really are! You want to feel like you stand for a greater cause, but what you're really doing is showing how much of a piece of shit you really are! Did you give a shit about poachers two weeks ago? No of course not. Would you like me to tell you why? It's simple. It's because two weeks ago IT WASN'T A SOCIAL MEDIA CRAZE YOU IGNORANT WANNABE ACTIVISTS! Get your heads out of each others kale eating assholes! You don't really give two shits, or even a wet fart, about what goes on outside of your own little microcosm because you are nothing more than self righteous, attention seeking, bandwagon riding, insincere, egocentric, half-hearted, failures at life! You pretend to care about this one fucking animal than you actually care about what's going on in your own back yard! Americans are being shot, raped, beaten, abused, and robbed (both in person and through the magic of technology) just to name a few. But where are you?! What are you doing to help these people? No, you don't care at all because it doesn't effect your life at all does it? So what the fuck does one dead fucking cat matter you at all?! NOTHING!!! YOUR LIFE IS NOT ALTERED ONE IOTA BUT THAT CREATURE DYING SO WHY DO YOU ALL POST ABOUT THIS MAN BEING WORSE THAN HITLER?!?! It's because it's the trendy thing to do... You all make me sick... I sincerely hope that something happens to all of you posers to make you realize the idiocy you are inflicting on the rest of us with your false sentiments of outrage. Leave your fucking Facebook pages for a few minutes and do something to better your community. Help someone in need and DON'T post about it! Live with the sense of self satisfaction you get from helping a HUMAN FUCKING BEING that is struggling to survive instead of pretending to care about something that has never and will never effect your life.

Human Worth

Don't you just fucking hate going into a job interview they always seem to ask the same questions. The one that really pisses me off is when they ask me how much my time is worth. Who the fuck knows and how the hell do you gauge how much of your time is worth?! If I'm sitting around with my thumb up my ass my time is worth nothing! But if I'm at your establishment doing your work for you then I guess you have to tell me how much that time is worth! And for anyone who ever asked me that question again I finally have an actual answer. Today June 5, 2015 I sat around in my own home for an hour in essentially pajamas on somebody else's computer while they watched me quick yes or no for one hour. For that hour they're paying me $60!!! That's right according to this woman and her company my time is worth $60 an hour! So fuck you corner store!!! Fuck you jack ass restaurant that only wants to pay minimum-wage!!! I now know what my time is worth and you can't fucking afford me!!! So you should be blessed that I even grace your doorstep with my very presence because I guarantee you're not making $60 an hour you son of a bitch!!! 

Fucking YouTube...

I know it's been a while since I ranted here but son of a bitch this is starting to piss me off. Why is it when I'm looking online for information about how to do something all I fucking find is Yourube videos?! I don't want to watch someone do something especially when I have to work with my damn hands! Watching a 3 minute video on how to do something that takes 25 doesn't fucking help! I know most people are too fucking stupid to read instructions and then follow them but Jesus fuck Christ give me the option to do so!!! If I gotta take my bike apart to do something I can't watch your dumb ass video and execute your instructions at the same time!!! So there I am spending more time to find a written guide than it takes to make the repair! And I know it's that everyone wants to be a YouTube celebrity but fuck you! I'm tired of this shit. Rewind, fuck! Rewind, fuck! Rewind, commercial, fuck you!!! 

Rapper Asshat

So, today as I roll up on my motorcycle into a very busy gas station to grab a soda I see a miracle. Two empty parking spaces! So I go to park and move along until this ghetto ass deadlock wearing shit for brains piece of shit stops a car DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF BOTH FUCKING SPACES!!!! And like any red blooded American I first stare at them giving them the "c'mon you pieces of shit" look in hopes that they will look up see me wave and move 3 damn feet further so I can pull in... Of course not... These douche nozzles look right at me and go back to talking. SO I give them the horn over, and over, and over, and over... I even tell them to move in as nice a way a man in 80 degree heat straddling a roaring fucking engine can, "MOVE THE HELL OUTTA THE WAY YOUR BLOCKING THE ONLY TWO OPEN SPACES!" Finally shit for brains walks away and I pull in but as I'm getting up I see him walking up behind me I stand, turn, and stare at him. His response to my actions was, "What? You look like your sizing me up or something..."

Quick sidebar... I know interrupting my own rant is a strange and novel idea but it happens. What is it about big, bald, pierced, tattooed, white guy on a motorcycle screams HEY DIP SHIT FUCK WITH ME!!!? Sorry back to the rant.

My response is simply, "Nope just gonna let you pass... Ya know show a little manners... Try it some time..." So he gets all fucking pissed that I mouthed off to him but I don't give a shit... Go fuck yourself! Oh and here's a little PSA that you can all pass along to all the inconsideration, piece of shit, uneducated, insecure, wannabe rapper, half fucking retarded, ghetto, shit licking, cunt sacks in your lives. If there is a parking space within 20 feet of your destination... DON'T FUCKING DOUBLE PARK YOUR BEAT TO SHIT CAR YOU LAZY FUCKING KNOB GOBBLERS!!! PULL INTO THAT GOD DAMNED SPACE AND WAIT THERE, OR LEAVE YOUR CAR RUNNING THERE, AND IF YOU ARE BLOCKING SPACES (like you almost always are) BE READY FOR ME TO FIRE BOMB YOUR FUCKING CAR!!! I HOPE YOU DIE... GET BROUGHT BACK JUST TO DOUBLE PARK YOUR CAR AND HAVE SOMEONE RAM INTO YOU LEAVING YOU PARALYZED FROM YOUR NECK DOWN SO YOU GET TO LAY IN YOUR OWN FILTH AND WATCH AS YOU WASTE AWAY WITH NO ONE OR NOTHING AROUND YOU BUT REGRET...
If you want to live in society act like you deserve to be here...

You're All Fucking Diseased

Fuck the dress! Fuck the colors! Fuck your fucking eyes and the cones in them! Fuck your idiotic fucking posts with your. "Scientific" explaination why it... Fuck your friends for sharing it! Did I say fuck you? Oh, well fuck you some more! Shit the fuck up about the stupid fucking picture of the ugly ass dress you lemming shit! Who the fuck cares!? And what ever your answer to that last question, FUCK THEM!!! You all need to kill yourselves and spare the "normal/smart" people your idiocy... FUCK!!!

The Anti Anti-Valentine

Hooray it's Valentines Day once again and to many it brings feelings of the love and happiness that is intended. You trade gifts go on this and celebrate your love and your lover. Then there are you other sad dick weasels... Those of you who feel it is your duty to stand up and shout the the fucking world "NO ONE WILL FUCK ME SO FUCK VALENTINES DAY!" And it's pathetic... You self involved, deluted, entitled, pieces of shit really need to sit down, shut up, stay off the internet, and get over yourselves. Stop trying to take a crap on people's happiness by forcing your retarded hatred for this holiday everywhere you go! We get it, your single and don't have anyone to spend today with and you shouldn't be forced to endure an endless parade of happy couples being lovey dovey and enjoying themselves while you wallow in lonesome misery... Oh wait... ITS A FUCKING HOLIDAY !!! If you don't like it don't leave the house! Oh but it's your "right" to shit on Valentines day. Fuck your rights and fuck you. Then it's my right to show up at your  "Anti-Valentines day uncelebration" and pass out candy hearts and goofy cards dressed like a fucking cherub RIGHT?! Take today for what it should be you ignorant cunts! Go to work and instead of acting like a bitch shitting on love do what you did in elementary school. Find the goofiest silly little cards stick a piece of shitty candy inside and seal it with a glittery heart sticker and pass them out. The nostalgia alone will bring a smile to everyone's face and maybe, just maybe, you won't feel like such a lonely little douche nozzle. And if that doesn't work fuck I dunno... Kill yourself I guess... It's your right after all isn't it? 

Dad of the Year!

Ok so where should I begin? 

Crotch rocket father here is asking to lose his poor child. He is barely on the back of that wind up toy! His fat ass father is taking up too damn much room and his only hand hold is a bunch of fat folds!!! And like we've come to expect from these asshats he's ZIPPING IN AND OUT OF TRAFFIC... WITH HIS KID!!! Fuck me running...

Next we'll continue from the ground up...

CROCS?!?! CROCS IS YOUR FOOTWEAR OF CHOICE?! What the serious fuck will that protect you from?! Oh and the thin cotton pajama pants? What do when you pop a hard on your kid gets a better grip?! And he didn't dress that poor kid any better! Yeah sure he made him wear a helmet... One gold star... And speaking of helmets NICE ELBOW PAD JACKASS!!! Do as I say not as I do huh? I guess it's better off that way cause when when he cuts off the wrong redneck and his pickup truck and clips his bumper drops the bike and smashes his skull open on the black top before he gets run over by other drivers he won't have to take care of his paralyzed son who's head and brain were kept in tact while his limbs were torn off his little body when he too gets run over by oncoming traffic... 

Fuck...

God Must Hate Me...

Ok let's just say that while you were at work some jackass decides to lose his damn mind a spew a litany of physical and violent threats to you in front of your co workers and at least one of the management staff and you sit down to talk to your boss about wanting to take these threats seriously so it doesn't continue to happen turning your job into a hostile work environment. Then assume that he says he'll look into it and act accordingly... (Uh huh) Then after a long day you'd love nothing more than to go home, have a drink, and kill something in a video game but you know there's no booze to be found. What do you think would be one f the last things you want to happen when you arrive at your door? If you guessed THE DOORKNOB CRUMBLES IM YOUR HAND YOUR RIGHT!!!! But it gets better folks. Because when I call "EMERGENCY FUCKING MAINTENANCE" TO FIX THE GAPING HOLE IN MY DAMN DOOR he says he'll be here at 7:30am... NOT 1 FUCKING AM WHEN I MAKE THE DAMN CALL!!! What the hell is wrong with everyone? Your on call shit head! That's the fucking point!!! I hope that some psychopath skips my fucking door to torture his family while he watches!!! At least then I'LL FEEL BETTER ABOUT NOT GETTING TO SLEEP TONIGHT BECAUSE WHO THE FUCK CAN SLEEP KNOWINT THAT THERES IS A GOD DAMNED MOTHER FUCKING HOLE IN THE SHITTY FRONT DOOR THIS GHETTO COMPLEX PROVIDES!!! Son of a BITCH!!! Who do I have to kill to catch a fucking break in this world?! Show them to me and I'd gladly end their miserable fucking exsistance... Oh please please please tell me it's that fuck who's SUPPOSED TO BE ON CALL TO FIX THIS SHIT!!! I hope the property manager is getting a good nights rest because I'm gonna start his work day off rough... 

What's the point?!

Ok, so I make the decision not to get drunk, go to bed before 4am, and be a responsible fucking adult. So why the dick can I not get any damn sleep?! Have you ever noticed if you KNOW you have something to do the next day and you do the right thing by trying to prep for the day and end up like the walk dead instead! I am so damn sick of this fucking insomnia shit!!! Fuck... Let's see any of you function on as little sleep as I do... And I know boo hoo poor whitey and his first world problems but FUCK YOU! This is my rant... Deal with it!

What?!

Too tired to have a rant... Go fuck yourself...

Dear Sports Watching Douche Bags

Yes tomorrow is the Super Bowl. And, yes many of you will have to work. SO SHOW THE FUCK UP!!! Stop acting like damn toddlers and do your damn job! I've already heard of five people calling out already for tomorrow. It's just a fucking game! Guess what? I'll tell you a secret... Ready? Paying attention? There's gonna be another one NEXT FUCKING YEAR!!! Stop acting like the work will end if you miss it. And if you are goodly enough to show up for work PUT YOUR PIECE OF SHIT PHONE DOWN!!! Just do your damn job... If you can't be bothered to do that much just kill yourself!!! 

Here's Your Fucking Rant!

Ok, so I've been working on setting up interviews and guests for the show for fucking weeks... No months... I'm getting really sick and tired of talking to people and having them seem interested and excited to join the show and then have to fight just to get them to answer a damn email! If you don't wanna be on the show then just say so and stop wasting my time! I won't be pissed off if you don't wanna be a guest I WILL get pissed if you lie to my damn face then dodge every fucking message I send you and come up with bullshit excuses when I corner you just so you can run and hide! And if you're reading this and thinking, "Hmmm... do you think he's talking about me?" GUESS WHAT DOUCHE NUGGET YES!!! If you have to guess if it's you then you are one of these people... Maybe its just forgetfulness and I could understand that... OH WAIT WE LIVE IN THE AGE OF THE SMART PHONE!!! Put it in your calendar, set up an alert, text back, answer a FUCKING email and don't be a world class cunt! And for those of you who have been responding and know the pain of dealing with complete flakes and irresponsible dickless wonders feel free to comment and maybe, just maybe we can get through to these people...