Fuck You're Anti-Valentine's Day

Look I get it. You can be a lonely, bitter, worthless, fucking asshole. Or you could disagree with the consumerist aspect of the holiday. Or your delusional ego just can't let you see people have something you don't. But for fuck's sake can you please shut the fuck up about all your made up anti-Valentine's day bullshit and just let people enjoy a chance to be happy and do something nice for their significant other! Take a year off from plastering your social media pages with how much you HATE Valentine's Day and how you're "forever alone". And don't you fucking dare try to get us to pity you, or worse act like we should respect how strong you are that you can stand on your own today because you don't need someone to make you feel special! You're a sad sack of dog shit! I'm not celebrating the holiday, but guess what? I'm also not shitting on people who are! I'm not trying to seem somehow "Brave" for facing a fucking Tuesday by myself! It's fine if you do not want to join in the revelry. But stop shoving your bullshit down everyone's throat! Yeah let's have an Anti-Valentine's Day party where we'll all get drunk and I'll try to fuck someone to fill the gaping void in my life! Cause that's what most of you mouth breathers are saying with your Anti-Valentine's Day crap! Or worse those sub human slime balls crying in their wine because they couldn't find a fucking date on Tinder! Shut the fuck up, get dressed, and go out and have a real human interaction so long as you can divert your eyes away from your stupid smart phone long enough to catch the eye of someone you find attractive! All these dating sites are a fucking joke anyway. Crawl out from under the rock you live under, wash off the layer of muck that coats your personality, and take a chance night out to meet someone! Awwww, are all your friends too busy to hang out with you? GOOD! Grow up and meet someone new! But... but... but... How will I know if we have anything in common if it's not dressed up in a nice little profile page for me to swipe on? Well fuck-stick, if you go to a place centered around the theme of something that interests you your chances of meeting someone there who shares in that theme goes way the fuck up now doesn't it? It's common sense moron. Well my anxiety won't let me go out into those kinds of social... blah blah blah. Did you ever think that maybe part of the reason you get anxiety when considering going out into public by your lonesome stems from the fact that you basically hermit yourself away, stare at a fucking glowing screen all day long, and have no real meaningful human interaction with anyone outside of your little clique whose combined social interactive experience rates at about the high school level? Moral of the story. No one wants to deal with your shit and that's probably why, yet again, you will be alone on Valentine's Day today and for years to come. Rock on!

A Very Florida Christmas

Let me start by saying FUCK FLORIDA CHRISTMAS!!! I am so sick and damn tired of these 70 degree or more winter fucking holidays. Seriously how can you get into the Christmas spirit when you're watching a bunch of ass-hats hopping around in shorts and sleeveless shirts?! Plus how the fuck can you cuddle up with someone by a fire when it's too damn hot to even hold one another?! Why would you drink hot coco when you're already sweating like a hellish pig?! And, of course it was raining today and if it was cold we would have had a white fuck Christmas!!! So what should I ride my sled through the swamps? Should I build a sandman?! I know I'll just get into a reclaimed water soaked mudball fight! All the while everyone is skipping around thanking their god for this ridiculous fucking heat like a group of mindless tourists!
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All I see online today is everyone having fun with friends and family. Kicking back, drinking, feasting, and making merry! Now there's nothing wrong with that in itself but, WHY THE FUCK DO SOME OF US HAVE TO WORK ON FUCKING CHRISTMAS?!?! Now it's one thing if I worked in a theme park. Yeah it sucks, but there's a lot of stupid mother-fuckers who go on vacation to theme parks ON CHRISTMAS!!! But noooo I have to sit in an empty fucking building pissed off and typing this rant while my three year old has Christmas without his fucking father! Realistically no one should have to work on Christmas. It's SUPPOSED to be about spending time with family not slaving over someone else's! And all you shitty fucking cock-mongers that DO go out and cause the environment that keeps families apart on holidays need to think about others for a god damned change! How fucking selfish are these people? They don't give one flying fuck about you and yours so long as they can be with THEIR family doing what THEY want it's a great fucking day right? And these pieces of shit made this kind of thing commonplace now! It's standard for most businesses to be open for family holidays. Greedy, unthinking, uncaring, disdainful, wastes of human existence are ruining things for everyone! I really wish that we could have a Purge Day sometimes so I could hunt these fuck-wits down and choke them with their own selfish entrails!

Social Fuck Media

Jesus fucking Christ people! How is it you can go through life acting as if your fake god damned outrage online for perceived social injustices have any real baring on the outcome of the so called campaign you're championing! And, before you get even more bent out of shape than usual I'm not talking about REAL issues. That pipeline BS, yeah lets be pissed about that. And, I know most of us cannot afford to miss work, fly out there, and stand by them. We'd lose everything we had. I get it. But when everyone starts crying and losing their shit over things they never even cared about that's when you gotta look at yourself in the mirror and slap the crap out of yourself! None of you gave a REAL shit about that lion. NONE of you care one iota about that stupid monkey. And most of you don't give one holiday FUCK about a black Santa. But these stupid distractions are filled with fake outrage perpetrated and perpetuated by people who want to feel somehow righteous and progressive. Get the fuck over yourself please, we would all like to go back to our goofy videos and kitty cat memes dammit! Oh and the fucking worst of you all are the ones trolling around for images, videos, and comments you can flag for being "offensive". Go get fucked by a Yule Logs you uptight cunts! If you don't like something, DON'T FUCKING LOOK AT IT! Hide yourself away in that little bubble of yours where you can be the special little snowflake you are and melt away in your  own damn tears of institutionalized idiocy. Oh and hey guess what fuck hats! What I'm doing here. It's not the same thing because it's on MY FUCKING WEBSITE! You had to come here to find it. It wasn't thrust upon you. It wasn't forced onto your news feed! So go suck a reindeer and MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS YOU PIECES OF SHIT!

Bank of Americans Getting Fucked in the Ass

When the FUCK did the banks start closing at 4 god damn o'clock?! When the hell is anyone supposed to get anything done?! What if you work or have to watch a child?! Fuck you Bank of America you corrupt, criminal, morally bankrupt, greedy, piece of shit bank! You lock my fucking card for 7-10 business days and now I can't buy food, diapers, or pay my bills! Are you gonna pay my late fees and feed my kid while I wait for to to stop screwing over the people that lend you money?! Once I get my tax return fuck it I'm out! I'll start hiding money in my mattress... 

Star-WhoReallyGivesAFuck?!

Ok how many of you really give a rats ass about this Starbucks cup bullshit? Anyone? A show of hands please...

Ok good SO LETS SHUT TGE FUCK UP ABOUT IT!!! With everything wrong with our GOD damned country we wanna raise hell and pretend that Starbucks is anti Christmas/Christian. What kind of sinful ego could propel you cross wearing cock suckers to think it's an attack on you?! Aren't you, out of all the shitty, hell bound,pious pieces of human excremental idiocy, supposed to turn the other cheek? Jesus fucking Christ, first it's an attack on YOU PERSONALLY when two people of the same sex want to get married, and now your coffee has joined the ranks of Satan?! You all better hope there isn't a God or you'll be tossed into an unbearable eternity of Jewish songs, Hindu chants, Islamic food restrictions, Indian IT jobs, and Pagan rituals for your sheer lack of common fuck sense... Oh wait CHRISTMAS IS BASED ON A PAGAN GOD DAMNED HOLIDAY YOU FUCK STICKS!!! Shut the hell up, drink your damn peppermint frappuchino, and stop looking for reasons for you to pretend to be discriminated against and offended. Don't like what I'm saying? Good comment and I'll tell you again how fucking stupid you are... Oh and before we think too much about Christmas... Happy Fucking Thanksgiving Assholes!

Fuck Your Lion Ass!

ok... Look I get it. You all want to stand for something in this fucked up world. Trust me I stand up for what I believe is right too. Frankly I think all you societal ass pimple posers need to just shut the hell up about this dumb lion Cecil. And before you get all up in arms again shut your stupid dick traps and look at the sad excuse of an existence you are lucky enough to have. Go ahead, I'll wait... Now with that done here's the real truth about YOU! You think by acting all high and mighty about this idiot shooting an overgrown house cat that you yourself somehow become better than you really are! You want to feel like you stand for a greater cause, but what you're really doing is showing how much of a piece of shit you really are! Did you give a shit about poachers two weeks ago? No of course not. Would you like me to tell you why? It's simple. It's because two weeks ago IT WASN'T A SOCIAL MEDIA CRAZE YOU IGNORANT WANNABE ACTIVISTS! Get your heads out of each others kale eating assholes! You don't really give two shits, or even a wet fart, about what goes on outside of your own little microcosm because you are nothing more than self righteous, attention seeking, bandwagon riding, insincere, egocentric, half-hearted, failures at life! You pretend to care about this one fucking animal than you actually care about what's going on in your own back yard! Americans are being shot, raped, beaten, abused, and robbed (both in person and through the magic of technology) just to name a few. But where are you?! What are you doing to help these people? No, you don't care at all because it doesn't effect your life at all does it? So what the fuck does one dead fucking cat matter you at all?! NOTHING!!! YOUR LIFE IS NOT ALTERED ONE IOTA BUT THAT CREATURE DYING SO WHY DO YOU ALL POST ABOUT THIS MAN BEING WORSE THAN HITLER?!?! It's because it's the trendy thing to do... You all make me sick... I sincerely hope that something happens to all of you posers to make you realize the idiocy you are inflicting on the rest of us with your false sentiments of outrage. Leave your fucking Facebook pages for a few minutes and do something to better your community. Help someone in need and DON'T post about it! Live with the sense of self satisfaction you get from helping a HUMAN FUCKING BEING that is struggling to survive instead of pretending to care about something that has never and will never effect your life.

Human Worth

Don't you just fucking hate going into a job interview they always seem to ask the same questions. The one that really pisses me off is when they ask me how much my time is worth. Who the fuck knows and how the hell do you gauge how much of your time is worth?! If I'm sitting around with my thumb up my ass my time is worth nothing! But if I'm at your establishment doing your work for you then I guess you have to tell me how much that time is worth! And for anyone who ever asked me that question again I finally have an actual answer. Today June 5, 2015 I sat around in my own home for an hour in essentially pajamas on somebody else's computer while they watched me quick yes or no for one hour. For that hour they're paying me $60!!! That's right according to this woman and her company my time is worth $60 an hour! So fuck you corner store!!! Fuck you jack ass restaurant that only wants to pay minimum-wage!!! I now know what my time is worth and you can't fucking afford me!!! So you should be blessed that I even grace your doorstep with my very presence because I guarantee you're not making $60 an hour you son of a bitch!!!