A Very Florida Christmas

Let me start by saying FUCK FLORIDA CHRISTMAS!!! I am so sick and damn tired of these 70 degree or more winter fucking holidays. Seriously how can you get into the Christmas spirit when you're watching a bunch of ass-hats hopping around in shorts and sleeveless shirts?! Plus how the fuck can you cuddle up with someone by a fire when it's too damn hot to even hold one another?! Why would you drink hot coco when you're already sweating like a hellish pig?! And, of course it was raining today and if it was cold we would have had a white fuck Christmas!!! So what should I ride my sled through the swamps? Should I build a sandman?! I know I'll just get into a reclaimed water soaked mudball fight! All the while everyone is skipping around thanking their god for this ridiculous fucking heat like a group of mindless tourists!
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All I see online today is everyone having fun with friends and family. Kicking back, drinking, feasting, and making merry! Now there's nothing wrong with that in itself but, WHY THE FUCK DO SOME OF US HAVE TO WORK ON FUCKING CHRISTMAS?!?! Now it's one thing if I worked in a theme park. Yeah it sucks, but there's a lot of stupid mother-fuckers who go on vacation to theme parks ON CHRISTMAS!!! But noooo I have to sit in an empty fucking building pissed off and typing this rant while my three year old has Christmas without his fucking father! Realistically no one should have to work on Christmas. It's SUPPOSED to be about spending time with family not slaving over someone else's! And all you shitty fucking cock-mongers that DO go out and cause the environment that keeps families apart on holidays need to think about others for a god damned change! How fucking selfish are these people? They don't give one flying fuck about you and yours so long as they can be with THEIR family doing what THEY want it's a great fucking day right? And these pieces of shit made this kind of thing commonplace now! It's standard for most businesses to be open for family holidays. Greedy, unthinking, uncaring, disdainful, wastes of human existence are ruining things for everyone! I really wish that we could have a Purge Day sometimes so I could hunt these fuck-wits down and choke them with their own selfish entrails!

Social Fuck Media

Jesus fucking Christ people! How is it you can go through life acting as if your fake god damned outrage online for perceived social injustices have any real baring on the outcome of the so called campaign you're championing! And, before you get even more bent out of shape than usual I'm not talking about REAL issues. That pipeline BS, yeah lets be pissed about that. And, I know most of us cannot afford to miss work, fly out there, and stand by them. We'd lose everything we had. I get it. But when everyone starts crying and losing their shit over things they never even cared about that's when you gotta look at yourself in the mirror and slap the crap out of yourself! None of you gave a REAL shit about that lion. NONE of you care one iota about that stupid monkey. And most of you don't give one holiday FUCK about a black Santa. But these stupid distractions are filled with fake outrage perpetrated and perpetuated by people who want to feel somehow righteous and progressive. Get the fuck over yourself please, we would all like to go back to our goofy videos and kitty cat memes dammit! Oh and the fucking worst of you all are the ones trolling around for images, videos, and comments you can flag for being "offensive". Go get fucked by a Yule Logs you uptight cunts! If you don't like something, DON'T FUCKING LOOK AT IT! Hide yourself away in that little bubble of yours where you can be the special little snowflake you are and melt away in your  own damn tears of institutionalized idiocy. Oh and hey guess what fuck hats! What I'm doing here. It's not the same thing because it's on MY FUCKING WEBSITE! You had to come here to find it. It wasn't thrust upon you. It wasn't forced onto your news feed! So go suck a reindeer and MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS YOU PIECES OF SHIT!